my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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