me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
