I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Found your dick twin last night
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
