The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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