i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
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