I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
