I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Randomize
