considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
