So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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