sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
