Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
there is glitter all over my balls
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
