It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
