Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize