Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
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