so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
