im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
