im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
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An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
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Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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