how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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