Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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