She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
