I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
