I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
