woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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