Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
