marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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