he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
