sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
