Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
