Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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