Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Who put my cat in the fridge?
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