its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
