i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
i dont even know how to be here
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Randomize
