i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
