Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
