so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
