This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
