dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
