I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
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Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
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When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
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