Your face is a jimmy john
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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