A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
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Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
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He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I have post one night stand depression
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