He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
