Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Randomize
