My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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