Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
