Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
