I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
...so i touched it.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Randomize
