Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
