remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
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Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
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There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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