He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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