no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
not ubering you a puppy
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