Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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