So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
there's paper in my vomit.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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