There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Non-Jews are for practice
I faked an abortion last night.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
