why didn't you poke me back
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize
