it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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