yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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