Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
