I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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