What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
