My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
The struggles of a small town man whore
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
