oh god the rape fog is back!
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
