so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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