My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
