I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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